Read this if you're tired of being tired.

Getting it together for yourself to grow with others. Change is a mindset.

By: Justin Williams

Authors pre-note: Usually I write from the books I read in my store or at home, however this post was narrated by life.

Ok. Lonely? Tired? Fustrated? Lost with no one to catch you when you fall? If yes, then it might be time for a little social redesigning. That's all. A healthy life should always be top priority. Studies show that a healthy support system has many positive benefits. A breakdown in support systems can have disastrous effects on the individual. Accountability and acceptance of the reality is hard, but there are many positive take always from all the chaos and growing pains. The work is worth it.

Take accountability.

Taking accountability for yourself is the most important step in laying out your newly designed support system. Learning from experience and growing from the past is the reason i'm even able to type this blog. No ones perfect and the memories of all the people I've hurt in the growing process are flowing through my consciousness as I type this to you. All there is to know is that we have the ability in which we choose to learn and move forward from where we once were in pursuit of where we ant to go.

There's a direct connection between individual choices and the people that want to see us grow. Confusion manifest itself when someone thinks they're helping you. But they truly aren't. Cliche one liner wisdom bombs are cringy, however some hold respectfully true. One which has resonated with me and never proven wrong is "Expectation leads to disappointment"

Another saying I once heard after a miscommunication lead to money and time lost was " left hand didn't know what the right hand was doing." I've always wondered how helpful systems could operate with a seemingly clear and understandable goal in mind, but still drop the ball.

How could cases such as Gabriel Fernandez slip through the hands of so many licensed teachers and social workers?

How could so many American still not receive their stimulus payments?

Why is suicide the second leading death of college students?

Of course the answers lied in life and books.

The origin of " the left hand does't know what the right hand is doing" is rooted in the Bible. Mathew 6:3, it's apart of the sermon on the mount.

It means, when someone is ignorant of their lack of communication and clarity in a group effort which in turn leads to dysfunction.

Another translation is in the bible which refers to doing good quietly. In modern terms, the opposite of virtue signaling. Humility.

Ex. The contradiction of text from my girlfriend vs family lets me know that left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing. Both want to support me, but just don't how to due to the subjectivity of the word "support." Maybe unsatisfied needs lay barren because they don't know how to see them.

Just ask for help.

Communication is essential in a healthy support system. People need to know clearly what you want to do, how you want to do it, and when it will happen.

When someone does't understand the goal of the group because of poor communication. Some problems may be:

. Blame

. Confusion

. Distrust

When someone doesn't understand the goal of individuals within the group. Some problems may be:

. Lack of accountability

. Break down in structure

. Less group achievement

With that, let's look at some ways to set goals and communicate them with our groups.

. Make a smart goals and share them in your support systems group message or chat.

. Use Napolian Hills " Thinking to grow rich " method of goal setting and share them with your group message.

. Make a business plan and ask your group how they can contribute toward your end goal.

" I don't like to rely on others" is an excuse. Asking for help is cumbersome and feels like an impossible hurdle to overcome sometimes. Feeling isn't necessarily reality all of the time and it's ok to be wrong. Get your legs ready to jump and let's take a look at some of questions that help when considering if the uncomfortable resistance stopping you from asking for help is rational.

. When do I ask for help

. In what situations have a asked for help in the past?

. When I ask for help what am I feeling ?

. What do I think will happen?

. Do I have negative or positive expectations?

Balance & maintain.

If you're feeling absolutely exhausted and overwhelmed, your support system might need to be reevaluated. Someone who described support systems perfectly was Will Smith. He said " The prerequisite for hanging with any person is that they nourish and inspire you. They feed your flame....Look at your last five text messages, are those people feeding your flame or dousing your fire? "

There is a flow to support systems. As life happens each person takes turns being the supporter. Balance it vital for a healthy support system. Just as one wouldn't want to feel drained after an interaction, it wouldn't be reciprocal for us to drain our support system by putting all of the responsibility consistently on one persons shoulders.

Balance is only possible if you're able to maintain the healthy relationships in your life. I like to think of each person in my corner as a plant. Each has their own needs, some may need more water than others. But at some point in time, they all need to be watered with the hydration of a soulful connection.

Flower direction: Once you've made a good connection with your flower make sure to:

. Take care of yourself. This could look like, laughing while watching your favorite stand up artist. Or even taking care of your physical health.

. Research, practice,and improve your social skills for continued growth.

. Be an active member in a group. If you're looking for a group with an interest in books, Taino Studios has you covered. You can check out our book club here.

. Be supportive as much as you are being supported.

De-stress.

Cortisol: the primary stress hormone, increases sugars (glucose) in the bloodstream, enhances your brain's use of glucose and increases the availability of substances that repair tissues. Cortisol also curbs functions that would be nonessential or detrimental in a fight-or-flight situation.

Planning for the future and asking for help doesn't have to be boring. It can actually be a justifiable excuse for miscellaneous spending on adventure and timeless memories. But if you're on a budget like me you'd probably want something cheat yet remember-able. Here's some affordable things you can do while you talk to members of your support system about your goals and needs.

. Take a walk at a nature park

. Go out for Pho Noodles

. Check out your local book store

. Grab some coffee at a cafe

. Complete mutual bucket list activities

. Work out

. Go roller skating

. Get in the car & go for ride

De-clutter & organize.

According to the american bar association, there's three core groups that form a strong support system- Family, friends, and professional colleagues. Sometimes its very easy to get roles mixed up in the chaos in day to day life. It't not selfish to take some time for yourself to organize your life, the same way you would organize your room or closet.

A good way to figure out which role people in your corner fulfill is to write down the four kinds of social support. Empathy,love,trust, and caring. Draw a circle below each one. And begin to write the names of people that meet the criteria for each. If you would like to set the vibe for this activity, burn some sage and listen to some r&b.

Creating an image of our support system helps to see who is in our corner. The people who want to see us be the best versions of ourselves.

Many times, as we are trying to grow, we reach out to the wrong people for help. Sometimes they unintentionally don't have the characteristics, skills, or lack the knowledge to contribute towards your goals. And then, there are the people who just don't care. Every now and then, there's also the ones who like you for who you are and who you used to be. Who ever they are, if they are taking more than they are giving. Then it's time to let them go or give them some space.

Someone who could help with this process could be a mentor, counselor, therapist, or sponsor. It may take some time to find the right fit because trust me, not every worker in the helping field is for you. And there's a surmountable amount of people who "work" instead of "help." A rule of thumb when seeking help from a professional is, they should be someone that you could see yourself being similar to once you accomplish some of your long term goals. Everyone has an opinion, that's why they're free. It's our responsibility to sift which ones are valuable and which ones are garbage. Even if the opinions are coming from a licensed professional.

Everyone's schedule is different. In order to get the best outcome per interaction, the people in your corner and you must meet at times where you're most open to honest and healthy communication. NOT when you're tired and drained from the daunting tasking of adulting. Or when you're irritated in the morning, if you're not a sunrise type of person. According to Alyssa Gaustad, co-founder of the Naam Research Institute and global naam trainer and Naam Yoga, the evening hours are the best time to engage in those deep-rooted, multidimensional conversations that can be loving, healing, and strengthening because, physiologically, that’s when you’re in your most relaxed state.

If you're done reading this then it's time for a change. The past is gone and tomorrow is never guaranteed.The only certain reality lies in the now. What can you take away from this reading and do...now?