Capitalism induced anxiety
- Taino
- Jul 30, 2020
- 13 min read
Everything feels like it’s going to shit. Lately the world seems like it has been falling apart, at least in my lofty reality it does. The Covid-19 pandemic has got me assed out of a job. The financial aid office is closed at my University, which put a hold on me my progress toward finishing my degrees. With the messily 18 credits left. Let go of a close friend of mine that I thought would be the best man at my wedding. My living situation is about as stable as buses in America during the 1960’s. No luck in the romance department. And on top of everything thats going on in my melancholic life, my therapist is refusing to see me because I’m “too smart. Shit. Guess I’ll just sage and put on some Jill Scott & Erykah Badu. Indulge my mind in the literary sweetness of Urban fiction. I’ll read until I cant feel the pain of loneliness. Until my mind is miles and miles away from the anxiety which holds my thoughts. Maybe I’ll feel connected to something, or someone because right about now, my own touch is numb.
*plays “kickin back” by Mila J
Now thats better.
I remember when I first found out that, books are a bridge to mental peace. I was at the tender age of seventeen. My body was of a grown mans, it was as though it was composed of one cohesive muscle. The sun illuminated the definition of my caramel skin that summer. Facial hair began to bud on my face in June, by August a rustic five o clock shadow blossomed on my chin. Hair was clean, cut to perfection. My chest was held high and the world was mine. At least it felt like it. Summer 2017, I was working as a Barback at the type of restaurant where the workers had to have some level of charisma, that way, capitalism drunk patrons would leave $100 tips because they could afford it five times over. All I had to do was bring out food, change the heavy beer kegs, and wash wine glasses once they were all used up. Then I would get a hefty cut of the bartenders tips, along with my hourly pay. It was all fine and dandy until one of the bartenders saw it fit to withhold my cut of money. This began to frustrate me. She was playing with my money that I worked hard for. The manager didn't seem to care when I bought the problem up to him, thats the privilege of position. It was my word against hers, and in the world of proletarians, feminine blue eyes are always correct and melanated brown eyes were always dead wrong. Even when someone looked into looked into them, saw their gloss, their youth, their innocence. And demeaned everything their light reflected by throwing one of the heaviest epithets introduced to the english language at them. Can you guess what that is? Yup you got it. “Nigger” And no, I will not water this story down by typing the “N-word”
Not too long after I found out the bartender was holding back on my money, a drunk customer walked into the bar. He was the type of fellow Donald Trump would love to pitch to during his campaign in the following months. He sat down at the chic bar stool, about arms length from me. Analyzed me. Watched how I was absolutely meticulous about how spotless the wine glasses turned out. Saw me delicately place them on the rack based on their design. I looked down to grab a cleaning utensil to wash out the sink when I heard “ You missed a spot”. I grabbed the mans head and slammed it against the bar table. Im kidding. I looked up and looked the man in the eye, glanced over at the rack and saw perfection. Before I could turn back to face the man he began peppering me. “ How long have you been working here?” “ How old are you?” “ Do you play football” “ How do you get you hair to look like that?” I gave him short direct answers, asked him if I could service him and he gave me a reply I’ll never forget.“ You missed another spot nigger”
Every ounce of my body craved to be the man my father was and whoop this guys ass in several different martial art aesthetics. I thought “ did this cowboy looking mother fucker just really call me a nigger? Maybe I’m tripping” I asked the man in a high curious tone “ excuse me?” he replied with utter confidence “ I said- you missed another spot nigger.” Yup, this guy definitely wanted to make America great again. An America where guys like him, can call young men like me niggers and get away with it. Wait, they can already do that…sometimes. I took a deep breath and walked to the back and told my manager what had happened. He assured me that he would not be allowed back. Of course he came back later that same night to order another deep brown scotch. I walked over to a table occupied by some African American regulars I developed a relationship with ,and they handled the problem for me. I didn’t have to lift a finger or get out of a graceful character. While avoiding becoming exactly what that word was designed by history to make me. An angry black man.
Nigger is derived from the Latin word for the color black, niger. In A Treatise on the Intellectual Character and Civil and Political Condition of the Colored People of the United States: and the Prejudice Exercised Towards Them (1837), Hosea Easton wrote that nigger “ is an opprobrious term, employed to impose contempt upon [blacks] as an inferior race…The term itself would be perfectly harmless were it used only to distinguish one class of society from another; but it is not used with that intent…[I]t flows from the fountain of purpose to injure.”
Justice was taken into my own hands. But the Bartender was still withholding my money and I was sat down and instructed to not speak while working. Enough was enough. Its one thing to call me a nigger ,but, it’s even worse to treat me like I am less than a human being. Words can’t hurt me, however behavior can hurt my emotional stability- and my money. I was taught young, that when someone hits you, you hit them back. And that's exactly what I did. I hit them where it hurts most, their pockets. Saturday morning at the peak of business, I looked my manager in the eye and said “ I quit” and walked out. He chased me around the corner and begged me to come back, he told me that they needed me. “No, you need me for diversity” I replied and walked away.
*Kickin back by Milla Jay ends. The story of O.J by Jay-z plays.
My mind was a wreck. I was out of a job. Unsure of what college would be like for a young black man like me. Walking on egg shells around my mothers apartment as we had to move out of our townhouse because she momentarily separated from her husband. No luck in the relationship department back then either, cuffing season was over. Shit. I did what I usually did when I couldn't stand being in the apartment that overlooked the developing metropolitan area of Baltimore County. I took a train to the soulful city. Headed over to my favorite bookshop and escaped. I read and read and read some more. The poems of Langston Hughes confirmed by nudges of the blues capitalism opposed of people that look like me, and let me know that there is more to life else where. The rich words of Sister Souljah made me visualize a better life. Eric Jerome Dickey’s smooth cadence inspired me to get out of my head and make an affluent life like the ones he wrote about. Reading fiction took me away from a dark place and i’d like to share three major ways reading fiction books can heal your anxiety.
An escape from reality
Get your social on
Theres this thing called bibliotherapy
Reading is an escape from a harsh reality
“ You think your pain & your heart break are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read. It was books that taught me that the things that tormented me most were the very things that connected me with all the people who were alive, or who had ever been alive”
- James Baldwin
Life is a handful. We could all use a vacation in a capitalistic system of government ,where needed time off is seen as a liability instead of a need. Disconnecting from the insurmountable amount of content on social media isn’t a need too. In 2013, University of Georgia Psychologist Graham Collier wrote in Psychology Today about the connection between escapism and technology.
“I would suggest that the real form of escapism nowadays is the compulsive need to constantly be engaged in living an electronic life of fact finding, problems solving, video game playing and personal chit chat,”
In France, workers are allotted the opportunity to work and take time off. On average, a French citizens receives 30 days of payed vacation. Thats enough time to disconnect and momentarily escape the toxicity of capitalism with all of its symptoms. The military industrial complex, the prison industrial complex, and the police industrial complex, topped off with systemic racism and poverty create a hell of a day to day experience for millions of minorities in America. The national partnership for women and families released a fact sheet which held, “ Black women are typically paid just 62 cents for every dollar paid to white, non-Hispanic
men.
The median annual pay for a Black woman in the United States who holds a full-time, year-round job is $38,036, while the median annual pay for a white, non-Hispanic man who holds a full-time, year-round job is $61,576 – a difference of $23,540 per year” In 2014-18, the share of families headed by single parents was 75% among African American families, 58% among Hispanic families, 37% among white families and 21% among Asian families. In 2018, there were about 4.04 million Black families in the United States with a single mother. This is an increase from 1990 levels, when there were about 3.4 million Black families with a single mother. With that kind of a disproportionate wage gap paradigmatic with financial responsibilities and subpar government safety nets. It’s no wonder why African American women are justifiably diagnosed with depression at a staggering rate. A disconnect is necessary. Accommodations are necessary. Reparations are needed. Until then, escape.
Is escaping a good thing to do even though reading seems productive? Although escapism serves the same purpose, people turn to different avenues to escape. Some people read. Some write. Some play video games. Some have sex. So please, for the love of art. Do not be demeaning to someone for playing video games as a means to separate from reality for a bit, you’re being pretentious if you do.Anyhow, escapism and literature go hand in hand, like capitalism and systemic racism do. Both in which are detrimental to ones mental health and all around inner peace. Our brains behave in an allusively divergent way when we are reading. According to Norman N Holland Ph.D., in his article “ Your brain on stories”, “ just sitting in an armchair reading or in a theater watching, we believe in fictional characters and events because reality testing is tied to motor activity.” We literally distort the line between our world and the fictional universe when we are sitting still. With that being said, it could possibly be at fictions hand that several murderers where created in a dream realm mixed with reality. In 2004 Michael Hernandez, murdered his middle school classmate in Florida because he was inspired by the book “ American Phyco” by Bret Easton Ellis.
Open a book
Open a book
And you will find
People and places of every kind;
Open a book
And you can be
Anything that you want to be;
Open a book
And you can share
Wondrous worlds you find in there;
Open a book
And I will too
You read to me
And I’ll read to you.
By Jane Baskwill
Improving the way you understand others
Have you ever read a good book and found yourself seamlessly connecting with other people? If so, there is an explanation according to science. Fiction has been found to improve cognitive capability as well as identifying emotions in other human beings. Much of faction is concerned with protagonist understandings of the beliefs and motives of other characters and is only comprehensible if the reader is excepting cognitive empathy. Affective empathy has also been proposed as an essential component of fiction. Reading fictional stories has been found to be associated with the development of empathy in children, suggesting that there is an independent link between the empathy felt for fictional characters and the ability to empathize with people in reality. Neuroscientist mappings the brain have discovered that reading fiction taps into the same brain network as real life experiences. When you are engaged in reading a fictional story your brain is literally living vicariously through the characters at a neurobiological level. Researchers at Carnigie Melbourne University have found that reading a chapter of “ Harry Potter & the sorcerers stone” lights up the same brain regions that would be involved in watching someone moving-or flying on a broom-in the real world. Reading fiction improves “theory of mind” Theory of mind ( often abbreviated Tom) is described as “ the ability to attribute mental states-beliefs, intents, pleasures, pretending, knowledge, etc.- to oneself & others & to understand that others have beliefs, desire, & intentions that are different from ones own.
George Zimmerman followed Trayvon Martin and perceived him as dangerous. Jonathan Mattingly & Myles Cosgrove shot Breonna Taylor because they viewed her to be another black woman who was dangerous. The officers, Nathan Woodyards, Jason Rosenblott, & Randy Raedema murdured Elijah Mcclain because he was assumed as “suspicious.” All of these officers have something in common. None of them stopped and asked themselves nor their peers “ should it be considered that the individual in front of me is anything else other than suspicious.
In the end, national tragedies were produced as a result of murderous police officers who lacked empathy. A 2013 study proved that it is a common assumption that black people feel less pain than white people. Researchers showed pictures of black and white people, and asked participants questions revolving around their pain tolerance in a variety of situations. Black and white participants assumed that black people feel less pain than white people. And that is where the problem lies. Black participants also displayed an empathy gap toward other blacks. Better empathy skills is the bridge to overall better racial esteem for African Americans. Only we can bond through our pain, no one else will understand. Especially those who pass policy.
The revelation that both the governor & the attorney general of Virginia wore black face in college is just one more reason why racism continues to be perpetuated through systemic discrimination. Failing to display empathy is a telltale sign that someone is probably a sociopath. In the case of politicians, lacking empathy means he or she is likely to neglect policies that would benefit those who are being systemically oppressed.
Many African American leaders have called for politically engaged empathy. In 1964, at the New York City Town hall roundtable “ liberalism & the negro”, James Baldwin became justifiably fustrated with his white peers. During a debate over quota systems, the polar spectrum of America was unveiled. At one end, there were white panelist who celebrated a microbe of progress towards racial equality. While at the other end of the spectrum, there was James Baldwin. Who voiced his disappointment at the systemic discrimination his white peers had never experienced or addressed.
Theres this thing called bibliotherapy
Life is like a roller coaster. Especially is you're black while living in America. There are endless hurdles that require the power of enrichment and inspiration. Going to a book for means of strength might not be at the forefront of your mind, when you think of the personal growth journey. There is no time frame to learning. After hitting rock bottom however, one of my take aways were that sometimes the unexpected is what is exactly what is needed. If you were to speak your ancestor right now, they would have never guessed that you would have the freedom, the privilege to expand your paradigm as far as the sky can reach. Reading has been adulated since the beginning of time. Apparently bibliotherapy started in ancient Greece, they built multiplerpose libraries that not only entertained but educated. They read books for fun. Aristotles literature apparently was considered to be medicine for the soul. In actuality the art of healing through literature begun in ancient Egypt. King Ramses II had a chamber with an inscription above the entrance that read “ healing place for the soul.” Literacy among black kings and queens has been an act of passive resistance, while it is also liberating and mentally healing through out history. Many slaves who did learn to read and write were highlighted targets on runaway posters. Anti-literacy laws also arose from the deep fear of a slave insurrection, especially around the time of David Walker’s 1829 publication of Appeal to the colored citizen of the world, which boldly advocated rebellion as a means of physical and psychological freedom. Despite being an illegal stigma, reading was a mental escape from the harsh reality many slaves endured on a day to day basis. However, some found a quite literal escape in books. Lenner (1973 ) described a story of a slave woman in Nather, Louisiana who taught others how to read and writ, which allowed many of them to their own passes and escape to Canada. Need less to say, knowledge is both physical and mental freedom. The vast depths of your mind can only be imprisoned by you. Bibliotherapy may be the key to unshackling your potential.
Okay. So, what exactly is bibliotherapy anyway? Bibliotherapy, is a type of therapeutic reading, it is a term coined by Crothers (1916), who described the use of books to help patients understand their problems. Bibliotherapy can be used by several qualified professions to heal the minds of melanated people across the globe. Some of the complex problems that black adolencse face for example, is systemic racism and a lack of self perception due to European social standards. Donna Y. Ford, PhD, Nicole McZeal Walters, EdD, Janice A. Byrd, PhD, and Breshawn N. Harris, PhD conducted a study to explore bibliotherapies effectiveness in empowering gifted black girls in raising their racial pride through literature. The results were fantastic. When the students read multicultural books that reflected their own life experiences, not only were the students more engaged. But they also learned information that was applicable to their lives and not the lives the American dream projects onto the school system. In the literal review, the story of a black girls named Miera. A gifted black girl going through discrimination within the school system. Nothing new. When she did extremely well on exams, Some of the ways to select high quality multicultural books are:
Do the characters represent people from a variety of cultural groups?
Do “ good’ characters reflect a variety of backgrounds?
Are the characters relatable to the reader?
Are the values being explored instead of preached?
Is the language represented in non-stereotypical ways?
Do the stories reflect a variety of settings?
Are cultural settings represented realistically?
Will the stories encourage discussions?
Are the children exposed to multiple perspectives and views?
The benefits of multicultural literature for gifted black girls extend beyond the actual content of the book. For example, identity and cultural connections are made through characters that can promote an understanding of ones heritage, self efficiency with critical thinking, and comprehending challenging text. Thats is bibliotherapies outcomes with just one population, imagine the benefits it would have on a grander scale if implemented effectively and consistently.
Some books that helped me cope with being black in America
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